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Femto the Red-Winged Demon
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[08 Apr 2005|02:46am] |
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anger and hatred have turned into hope and understanding. am i growing up or am i giving up?
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[01 Dec 2004|03:36pm] |
darkness...
so pure not a single ray of light can find its way to me
how long have i soaked in this darkness...eternity?
though times i think just a moment
i feel nothing, as though there were nothing
and i am floating in it
i have preserved my sanity, have i not?
or did i lose it somewhere...
and yet, in this darkness and its fantasies, one thing is still clear in my mind
that alone, like lightning splitting through the darkness, he appears so vividly in my mind
over and over again it swells and sinks like the waves of a tsunami
hatred...friendship...jealousy...indignation...emptiness...love...sorrow...
they all come together in a single great storm
driving a stake through my mind, holding my consciousness together
the one who cast me into this darkness, he is now my anchor
the man whose life was once in my hands
i see him now, radiating so brilliantly, blinding me
tell me what this is from and i'll give you head
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[30 Sep 2004|05:18pm] |
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be HUMBLE.
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[28 Sep 2004|04:31pm] |
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music is divine
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[24 Sep 2004|01:58am] |
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laptop for sale. let me know if you are interested.
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[25 Aug 2004|10:54pm] |
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honesty is a rarity. ups to julian. i'm very sorry our friendship has ended.
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[13 Aug 2004|02:03am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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i spent a few hours tonight discussing the topic of "god" with the biggest moron i've ever spoken with. it's great when people develop beliefs based on experience. it's terribly sad when people close off their minds and refuse to believe anything but the "facts" they have acquired from other people, or from books of knowledge and truth, for example, the bible. now i believe firmly in many things, and one of them is a book of truth similar to the bible, but i keep my beliefs as just that, BELIEFS. not unmitigated truths. i may believe something is the truth, but i do not KNOW anything is the truth. regarding the concept of "god," i think that everyone should have their own belief as to the truth of this subject, whether it be that god does not exist, that god IS existence and is everything, that the true concept of god is portrayed in the bible, or that the true concept of god can only be discovered internally...it doesn't matter. leave that to the individual. if people want to BELIEVE that every word written in the bible is true, fine. so long as people understand that the truth is something we cannot hold, and that we can only guess as to what is true, but that we can NEVER KNOW FOR SURE. we can never know anything for sure. this fucking pickle smooch denied any possibility of the chance that the catholic church may not be absolutely fucking infallible. you can believe anything, but you can't know a fucking thing. at least i don't think you can. i don't know. maybe you can (did i cover my own bases just then or what?). i guess the point i am trying to make is that i think we should all keep our minds open. we are so fucked when we close them off like this kid i was talking to. so fucking stubborn he was. refused to see it any way but the way his religion taught him. once you accept something as factual, you can no longer expand your knowledge of that subject because you begin to deny the possibility that you are wrong, and therefore internally destroy the value of gaining other perspectives with which to compare yours. i don't think you can continue grow if you forget that you don't know anything. but yeah, suck my dick benedictusdeus8, youre a fucking joke and you need to realize that the truth of life is not simple enough to be constricted to one set of beliefs. i guess i'm just like him though. look at what i'm writing. i'm so fucking annoyed right now, i'm gonna go masturbate.
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[12 Aug 2004|12:11pm] |
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anyone who may be interested in purchasing a laptop, call me for details.
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[12 Aug 2004|12:44am] |
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i had a nice little bakie with jeff, quill, and carry. i liked it.
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[05 Aug 2004|01:13am] |
978.417.9239
new number
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[03 Aug 2004|09:31am] |
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mood |
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 happy birthday kays |
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dont you know that all you see are small representations of infinity?
it's all the same.
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[25 Jul 2004|01:21pm] |
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mood |
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relieved |
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[24 Jul 2004|03:35pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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i love you.
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[20 Jul 2004|03:44pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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god, being eternal, universal, absolute, and infinite, does not grow in knowledge nor increase in wisdom. god does not acquire experience, as finite man might conjecture or comprehend, but he does, within the realms of his own eternal personality, enjoy those continuous expansions of self-realization which are in certain ways comparable to, and analogous with, the acquirement of new experience by the finite creatures of the evolutionary world.
-urantia
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[18 Jul 2004|10:11pm] |
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brett kelso saw me in action this evening.
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[15 Jul 2004|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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this is why i have decided i would like to try and stop judging people so much...when i think of all of the things that go through my mind, and all of the thoughts and emotions i have that comprise my personality, and then i compare it to how much of my true self i actually display when talking to people, i realize that i probably only project about .0001% of who i really am. and from what i do project to others, most of it is bullshit. i am truly honest with probably around 4 people. and those select few don't even really know me, because it's impossible to, even when making an honest attempt, convey one's character with the "circumscribed language of the realm." no one really has a clue who i am, and the people that judge me are doing so based on false conceptions of who i am. therefore, i must assume that the same is true for all others, and that i cannot judge someone's character based solely on how they project themselves to me. obviously, actions speak louder than words, but not even actions are sufficient means of understanding the complex mind of each individual. right now, my struggle is to overcome the false identity i have inherited, and to discover my true self, and in the meantime, to acknowledge that others may be doing the same. it's so fucking hard at this point in our lives (and surely it will only get harder as we get older) to separate our true selves from the lies that have overwhelmed us and made us the pieces of shit that we are. just like huckleberry finn (i love making references to huck) experienced the clashing of his true conscience (heart) and his societal conscience (mind). the older we grow, the more we forget who we are, and accept who the dominant system commands us to be. that's why it is imperative to revert back to our child spirits, and remember who we are, before it is too late. try to be a human instead of fodder.
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[07 Jul 2004|07:10pm] |
My Best Friend is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) urantian | | Our 19 common interests are: eternity, goodness, havona, infinity, love, midwayers, mountains, nature, nebadon, orvonton, poetry, rpgs, sex, transcendentalism, truth, urantia, walking, wisdom, writing | Who is your best friend?
| | Created by macoto |
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[01 Jul 2004|01:17am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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i have no fucking clue who i am. the self is so fucking obscured by all of the fragments of other people's beliefs and ideas that we constantly absorb. so quickly we lose ourselves because we are overwhelmed by the necessities of surviving in this setting. society is so powerful, and we are all fodder for it. we keep it going unwittingly. the system DESTROYS people. it's like in order to exist in this world, we are required to abandon our true emotions and accept our roles as societal upholders. isn't it apparent to everyone that government, and systematic living cannot work? perfection is attained by nature, not by people. what a hopeless struggle. we try to make everything perfect, we try to obtain all things good, and avoid all things bad. what the fuck!? isn't it obvious that when we strive to experience only good, we take it for granted? everyone just wants their lives to be fuckin smooth ass joyrides. there can be no victory without a struggle. i can't wait for this shit to crumble. we think we are gods. we think we understand our existence, but we actually ignore it. we think we own the earth and we think we own eachother. we have fucked ourselves over soooo fucking bad. i don't know if there's hope for any of us. sometimes i think it's possible for us to undo the damage, forget who we have become, and remember who we really are. THINK!!! i know i say this kind of shit all the time, but it's impossible for me not to. my hatred for the workings of the world is so overwhelming. my desire for people to live naturally is the most powerful feeling i have ever had. i think if we just first acknowledge that everything we have been taught is wrong, then maybe we can hope to attain to truth. stop thinking about your image, your money, your fucking possessions. start thinking about your self, who you really are deep down. i know there is a purpose for us hidden somewhere, and it's like the world prohibits any possiblity of discovering it. we are such slaves. at least if we know it, we can TRY to fight it. even though it's probably futile, TRY ANYWAYS. follow your heart!!!
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[27 Jun 2004|07:27pm] |
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mood |
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pms-ing |
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asians are always plotting shit, no doubt.
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